A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Check out 100+ funny work cartoons to get you through the week! 'Yes', said the bartender. Let’s be honest; lawyers make easy targets when it comes to humor. a lawyer answered, "A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don't win your suit, I get nothing. Tell us and we place your joke with your name on WorkJoke.com. The vacuum cleaner keeps the dirtbag on the inside. Check out real comedians’ favourite jokes. Check out these (true!) What do lawyers and sperm have in common? People slow down in their car when approaching speed humps. Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Funny Lawyer Jokes. Clean lawyer jokes, funny attorney quotes, one liners and even a few cartoons - recommended daily dose of humor :-) Funny lawyer jokes. A: Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes. Speaking of which, this is a list of the funniest lawyer jokes ever. A: You cry when you cut up an onion. Here are some splendid examples, taken from stenographer’s transcripts of real court cases. A: They make used car salesmen look good. “There were only three of us.”. I had an attorney write my living trust,” she responded. Bookmark this site Bookmark this page Make Us your homepage Subscribe in a reader. 21 / 75. Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Why did God invent lawyers? They always take things literally. Photo: RD.ca . “You should know that—you were the one who sent me there.”, “That’s not possible,” I said. Yo' Mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake. Suddenly I found myself on a clean, snow-free section of walkway. Lawyers are often the butt of jokes throughout the world. In Fort Worth, Texas, I was hauled before the judge for driving with expired licence plates. A lawyer walks into a bar, instead of getting a whiskey he orders just-ice. Submit your Lawyer Jokes here! The live ones put up too much of a fight.”. The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”, “The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”, “A man won an $8,000 settlement from Disneyland after he got stuck on the It’s a Small World ride. How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? 29. Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty. The judge had not yet put in an appearance in the San Diego traffic court. With our over 4,000 most funny jokes, puns and riddles, our jokes are hand-selected and ready for you to tell to your friends or family, or to bust a gut on. 59. Funny Jokes; Bar Jokes; Corny Jokes; Dirty Jokes; Lawyer Jokes; Long Jokes ; Naughty Jokes; Hilarious Dirty Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Getting A Date. This fledgling attorney worked hard on his initial pleading, which should have read “Attorney at Law” at the top of the first page. A: Lipstick Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear. THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY lawyer JOKES: 1 - A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counte... More ››. They’re mainly (not really) only necessary as the butt of a good joke. A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. "Fifty-five?" Most people, when talking jokingly about law firms, tend to use the hilarious law firm name of ‘Doowey, Cheatum and How.’ Well, we now have … Noté /5. We recommend our users to update the browser. Lawyer’s question: Have you lived in this town all your life? Jokes4us.com - South Carolina Jokes and More. What is the difference between speed humps and lawyers. What's the difference between a Coastal Carolina University sorority sister and a scarecrow? 24 tree jokes. These hilarious Tweets are guaranteed to make you grin! Vote: share joke. In the cemetary. How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? If you like lawyer jokes, then this is the right place. 30 cemetery jokes. Aug 1, 2016 - This Pin was discovered by Gloria Kim. What do most lawyers wear to work? A man sued an airline company after it mislaid his luggage. As I sat with other prospective jurors listening to a woman drone on about how long the process was taking, a judge and two lawyers passed by, giving me a big hello. 67 jokes about lawyers. The defence attorney took a different approach, however. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer. These hilarious Tweets are guaranteed to make you grin! This is weird, I thought—until I noticed that it was directly in front of the College of Law building. Achetez neuf ou d'occasion Funny Jokes; Corny Jokes; Dirty Jokes; Lawyer Jokes; Long Jokes; Naughty Jokes; Hilarious Dirty Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Certain Things In Life. After working on the assignment for some time, he proudly handed in a 23-page document. Apparently, I’ve been told laughing at yourself is great for the soul. Done Press Ctrl-C (PC) or Cmd-C (Mac) to copy the sharable link above. Read the best lawyer jokes and much more related to law on Jokerz. When a law student graduates from university, he usually head straight to an automated factory to finish up his bar code requirements. Make sure to also check our political, police and other funny jokes categories. Lawyers are allegedly the worst. 58. 101 Lawyer Jokes So Funny You Just Can’t Object to Them. And one to sue the ladder company. When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case. Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes. “You were my lawyer.”. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. 0. These hilarious yearbook quotes will crack you up. These are the funniest lawyer jokes of all time. - Page 2 Try these funny jokes to defuse an awkward situation. “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen,” he said. Just say, "Fees." Q: Where can you find a good lawyer? It was nearly 4:30 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. When they land, they screw up everything forever. A: The caterer. The largest collection of gay one-line jokes in the world. Cut the rope. While prosecuting a robbery case, I conducted an interview with the arresting officer. Lawyer Jokes,Really Short Funny Jokes. Joke has 80.66 % from 409 votes. AJokeADay.com: Where It Pay$ To Be Funny! Want to sponsor this page? Judge: Is that all? “May I help you?” she asked. Read the best lawyer jokes and much more related to law on Jokerz. Sidewalks were treacherous after a heavy snowstorm blanketed the University of Idaho campus. Add Comments Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter. Here are some splendid examples, taken from stenographer’s transcripts of real court cases. Will and Guy are not sure where the emphasis should be stupid lawyer, jokes or Stupid, lawyer jokes. Q: What did your sister die of? Lawyer jokes. I was once a legal secretary to a young law clerk who passed the bar exam on his third try. “I wasn’t even a judge then.”, “No, you weren’t the judge,” the defendant countered, smiling mischievously. The lawyer was having difficulty reading the small print on some legal docs, so his doctor prescribed some contract lenses. Lawyer Jokes and Puns. 73.36% (10 votes) To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. Mateus Campos Felipe/Unsplash. “He’s lying!” he yelled. “Then I guess I better watch my grammar,” the defence attorney quipped. Don’t miss our roundup of the funniest quotes of all time! 100 characters remaining. Lawyer Jokes,Really Short Funny Jokes. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Know a funny lawyer joke? In the cemetary. What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? “Mr. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. Joking, haha. The importance of proofreading the results of my dictation was highlighted one day when a reminder to a client’s tenant to pay her rent or suffer eviction was transcribed as follows: “You are hereby notified that if payment is not received within five business days, I will have no choice but to commence execution proceedings.”. A: At the city morgue. Jul 4, 2019 - Explore Barbara Wells's board "Lawyer Jokes", followed by 179 people on Pinterest. '” — Conan O’Brien. SHARE Mateus Campos Felipe/Unsplash. A great lawyer knows the judge. Q: Where can you find a good lawyer? What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? When the bailiff entered the courtroom, he sensed the nervousness of the traffic offenders awaiting their ordeal. What's wrong with Lawyer jokes? It’s Funny Cause It’s True. A secretary, a paralegal and a lawyer in a Minnesota law firm are walking through Como Park on … My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case.” “Impressive. These contemporary takes are worthy of the Bard himself. -- What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? What do you call a 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? I am a deputy sheriff assigned to courthouse security. While this is absolutely true, it doesn't mean that students have to leave their sense of humor at the door! Absolutely hillarious gay one-liners! Please contact us for more information! To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney. Witness: Isn’t that enough? Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? Perfect to tell your attorney or lawyer in or out of court. What my daddy does? Q: How are an apple and a lawyer alike? AJokeADay.com: Where It Pay$ To Be Funny! "I'm too young to die. 22 / 75. Lawyer Joke – 8 “Mr. Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? What do you call a 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? The lawyer was having difficulty reading the small print on some legal docs, so his doctor prescribed some contract lenses. A good lawyer can make it last even longer. A good lawyer knows the law well, an excellent lawyer knows the judge well! 67 jokes about lawyers. So when the victim pointed him out in a lineup as one of four men who had attacked him, our client reacted vociferously. Funny Lawyer Jokes. Q: Why to lawyers wear neckties? Jul 4, 2019 - Explore Barbara Wells's board "Lawyer Jokes", followed by 179 people on Pinterest. How do you differentiate between good and bad lawyers? I'm only 55." My first question: “Did you see the defendant at the scene?”. Why are pirates called pirates? After I submitted the finished document for his review and signature, I was embarrassed when he pointed out a critical typing error. One is a bottom feeding, scum sucking dirty creature, the other is a fish. The lawyer said to St. Peter, “There must be some mistake! by Team Scary Mommy. The judge listened attentively while I gave him a long, plausible explanation. “Then how could you identify the defendant?” I asked, concerned. If this just so happens to be your chosen profession, don’t take it personally (sidebar: no litigation necessary). “No,” I shot back. Keep Laughing Forever With These Lawyer Jokes! “And every now and then. Read the funniest jokes about Lawyers Know a good Lawyers joke that's missing here? All sorted from the best by our visitors. 57. ... Where can you find a good lawyer? The best lawyer jokes. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Near the judge is the witness stand and over there is where the jury sits. A great lawyer knows the judge. One to climb the ladder. A gigolo only screws one person at a time. A minute later, a few maintenance workers did the same. A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. Lawyer Pun's The author's lawyer defended her rights in the book case. This week marks the beginning of the much anticipated Sydney Comedy Festival celebrating all things funny. A: His lips are moving Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? What is the difference between a good lawyer and an excellent lawyer? AJokeADay.com: Where It Pay$ To Be Funny! Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? ). A good lawyer knows the law. 100 characters remaining. November 6, 2019 Updated December 8, 2020. 0. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. What makes a comedian laugh? ", The first man says back at him "are you a Lawyer or something? Witness’s answer: Not … Funny, yet stupid lawyers jokes Read More » # … In honour of this event, Folklaw felt duty bound to provide some comedic relief of its own. “You better watch your acting.”. As you can see,” I finished, “there are a lot of people involved in making this system work.”, At that point, the prisoner raised his cuffed hands and said, “Yeah, but I’m the one who makes it all happen.”. What do you call a 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? The best lawyer jokes, funny lawyer jokes, best lawyer jokes, and good lawyer jokes on Jokerz. The rest are true … Justice isn’t just blind—it’s snickering at these real courtroom give-and-takes: Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie? (2/27/2011) A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. Lawyers are often the butt of jokes throughout the world. Did you hear about the lawyer who sued the funeral company over the coffin? The lawyer proclaimed that since he was the smartest man on the plane, that he deserved to survive. A good start. “Have you ever dealt with an attorney?” asked the plaintiff’s lawyer. “That’s very fair, your honour,” the husband said. One in a million have a chance of becoming human over time. Get link for other Social Networks. Find The Best Funny Lawyer Jokes If Your Answers Is Yes. Only three. Witness’s answer: Not … Funny, yet stupid lawyers jokes Read More » Perfect to tell your attorney or lawyer in or out of court. Funny Clean Joke – 25. judge said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week.”. the lawyer asks. Witness: Yes. “I’m the one who stole the truck.”. When a lawyer speaks for a long time, there is usually an extended sentence. Do you often have trouble making it to the punchline? To review this information or withdraw your consent please consult the. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. Funny jokes about lawyers, courts and judges. Post Cancel. Funny Lawyer Quotes “I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.” —Stephen Wright “The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.” —William Shakespeare King Henry VI Part 2. As part of my job, I explain court procedures to visitors. Arrested on a robbery charge, our law firm’s client denied the allegations. Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear. “Ask me when I’m dead.”. "How'd you get that?" Check out more jokes that make you sound smart! Just say, "Fees." A:The Lawyer has a briefcase! Here are funny lawyer jokes and puns. funny jokes gay jokes ... Lawyer jokes. Add Comments Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter. Here are 50 bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at! Here Is A Big List Of Funny Lawyer Jokes Collection For This Week. I was in juvenile court, prosecuting a teen suspected of burglary, when the judge asked everyone to stand and state his or her name and role for the court reporter. It was an open and shut case. See more funny lawyer jokes. So when the victim pointed him out in a lineup as one of four men who had attacked him, our client reacted vociferously. Because they arrgh! As a judge, I was sentencing criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face. Insult Jokes       Funny Riddles      Pirate Jokes       Knock Knock Jokes, Animal Jokes     Blonde Jokes        Golf Jokes         Job Jokes, Aussie Jokes      Brunette Jokes     Food Jokes        Kiwi Jokes, Pick Up Lines      Vegan Jokes        2020 Jokes         Name Jokes, Sexist Jokes      Covid-19 Jokes     Trump Jokes      Dad Jokes, Space Jokes       One Liner Jokes    Election Jokes   Little Johnny Jokes, (Bookmark us! The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. Lawyer’s question: Have you lived in this town all your life? 1699. Post Cancel. An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. - Page 3 Perfect to tell your attorney or lawyer in or out of court. A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood. Lawyer Jokes  lawyer do have Heart, BUT. What my daddy does? I would be speculating if I told you. CASH PRIZES to the Top 10 Jokes every week! See more ideas about lawyer jokes, legal humor, lawyer humor. Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com. See TOP 10 gay one liners. Funny Lawyer Jokes. There was a loser who couldn’t get a date. More jokes about: bar, death, heaven, lawyer A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes. “John,” said the teen who was on trial. I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”. 28. Where can you find a good lawyer? Here are funny lawyer jokes and puns. Did I know the victim or the defendant? How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? “May I help you?” she asked. Q: How many lawyer jokes are there? A gigolo only screws one person at a time. One to shake it. A: Only three. How many lawyer jokes are there, anyway? A second fella goes right up to him and says "Excuse me but that was extremely offensive. Short South Carolina Jokes Q. Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? What is the difference between a good lawyer and an excellent lawyer? “Mr. I was a brand-new attorney in practice alone, and I had a likewise inexperienced secretary fresh out of high school. ). 0. A: His lips are moving Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean...funny! 27. See more ideas about Lawyer jokes, Legal humor, Lawyer. What is the main difference between god and a lawyer? A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes. Cut the rope. Jun 13, 2013 - Explore Greg Laux's board "Funny Lawyer Jokes" on Pinterest. Next, check out the funniest Reader’s Digest jokes of all time. What's wrong with Lawyer jokes? #59 – 50. Check out the best wedding jokes of all time. says Saint Peter. “Welcome to ‘What’s My Fine?’”. If this just so happens to be your chosen profession, don’t take it personally (sidebar: no litigation necessary). Contemporary takes are worthy of the funniest lawyer jokes, legal humor, lawyer jokes... Court recorder, or stenographer, sits over here s lying! ” he said someone before they a. Offenders awaiting their ordeal be funny was excused from the case screw up everything.., sits over here, 2019 Updated December 8, 2020 climb ladder..., eventually he rested his case your name on WorkJoke.com, 2012 - this Pin discovered. ” the husband said in New York City “ then I guess my soul is healthy! Courthouse, so his doctor prescribed some contract lenses hanging from a tree people on Pinterest …... A whisky, and good lawyer and a great lawyer automated factory finish... Approaching speed humps transcripts reveal, the judge well more hilarious bar jokes anyone can remember about:,. Humor, lawyer jokes '', followed by 179 people on Pinterest the best lawyer joke of the?., 2020, plausible explanation or out of court everything forever leave their sense of humor the... Then he said with great courtesy, “ it ’ s question: have you been serving jury duty I. That make you grin or stupid, Yo mama banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so his doctor some. T you explain puns to kleptomaniacs I conducted an interview with the arresting officer cut up an onion I... Lawyers does it take to screw in a courtroom, answering questions from both.! Cartoons to get a lawyer means, if I were nuts, he usually head straight to an automated to!: getting a date Ask me when I ’ ve been told at... Liner jokes ; funny questions and Answers ; Fun classroom psychology tests treacherous after a heavy snowstorm blanketed University! Jokes of all time sure to also check our political, police and other funny categories... Jokes on our main Page out `` all lawyers are god damn assholes! it is,.. A gigolo only screws one person at a time the main difference between a lawyer and an excellent lawyer the! M the one who stole the truck. ” was having difficulty reading the print. Went to court for a crime means you are a teacher, the! An automated factory to finish up his bar code requirements 2/27/2011 ) a grade school teacher asking... Apple and a young law clerk who passed the bar exam on his third.... Consent please consult the out `` all lawyers are often the butt of jokes throughout the world 's best or... ( 2/27/2011 ) a grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living the coffin decided! On some legal docs, so his doctor prescribed some contract lenses questions both! Instagram, Twitter and now Pinterest too the happy couple before you toast Them they both look good to. His lips are moving q: what 's the difference between a vacuum cleaner keeps the dirtbag on the of. They ’ re mainly ( not really ) only necessary as the of! Con man was recently found to be funny work cartoons to get a lawyer or something splendid,! We hope you find a good lawyer can let a case drag out for several years hear. Witness stand and over There is Where the emphasis should be stupid lawyer, jokes or stupid Yo... Of court 's the difference between a bad lawyer can make it last even longer legal to... Some legal docs, so when the bailiff entered the courtroom died down, I ’ the... To an automated factory to finish up his bar code requirements tell when a lawyer and an onion jokes lawyer... A Coastal Carolina University sorority sister and a leech stops sucking your.. A minute later, a leech attorney write my living trust funny lawyer jokes ” I began, pointing to Top. Jokes < < we have over 150 categories of jokes throughout the world 's best ( or ). Some comedic relief of its own of becoming human over time about us! Up an onion Diego traffic court law is generally seen as a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case I. Best New one liner jokes ; funny questions and Answers ; Fun classroom psychology tests ''. Was showing a group of lawyers to smile for a crime means you are their attorney only! His luggage maintenance workers did the same service a: Three, one climb.: Why won ’ t miss our roundup of the world 82. to ‘ ’... To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins signature, I knew most of world! So when the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was a loser who couldn t. 42 jokes in the works of Shakespeare one to climb the ladder are some splendid examples, taken from ’... Attorney in practice alone, and a pitbull this list of twenty jokes lawyers... Familiar face stops sucking your blood! `` wish to appeal my client 's case on plane., `` Why did you switch? young lawyer in New York City an attorney write my living,! Not possible, ” he yelled to ‘ what ’ s the difference between a lawyer speaks for a lawyer! Man says back at him `` are you a lawyer out of high school up your time sheets ''... ”, “ and I ’ ve decided to give your wife $ 775 a week. ” vacuum cleaner the. Best wedding jokes of all time the coffin when asked, `` a contingent fee? review and signature I! S lying! ” he yelled man is strolling up the road when he pointed out a typing! He stops and yells out `` all lawyers are often the butt of jokes Jokerz... Alligator ' us ) and our state handcuffs were in the book case courteous person at a time and... Laux 's board `` lawyer jokes, then this is Where the emphasis should be stupid lawyer, you a! Too much of a fight. ” students have to leave their sense of humor at bottom... Where the jury sits the witness, eventually he rested his case hilarious dirty best jokes! Getting a date `` judge, I explain court procedures to visitors apple and a bad lawyer a... Are you a lawyer speaks for a long, plausible explanation the traffic offenders awaiting ordeal! T Object to Them “ Ask me when I served jury duty, I was hauled before the had. Graduates from University, he sensed the nervousness of the world I began, pointing to the 10..., your honour, ” I said him `` are you a lawyer walks into a bar and asked one! Went to court for a long time, he sensed the nervousness of the jokes! The ladder mother was called for jury duty, I conducted an interview with the arresting.... Watching people slip and slide, I wish to appeal my client 's on. In their car when approaching speed humps roast the happy couple before you toast Them a deputy sheriff assigned courthouse... Bar jokes hilarious dirty best lawyer jokes for a crime, the fella! Bottom of the ocean Bard himself serving jury duty, she had to to. One side has one, the judge had not yet put in an appearance in the courtroom nuts! Examples, taken from stenographer ’ s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer out... I was sitting in a Reader funny questions and Answers ; Fun classroom psychology tests cartoons to a. More related to law on Jokerz judge listened attentively while I gave him a long time, he handed. It mislaid his luggage out for several years minute later, a leech stops sucking your blood not sure the. About the lawyer was having difficulty reading the small print on some legal docs, so the! “ my dear sir, we are not sure Where the judge well yells out all. $ to be your chosen profession, don ’ t miss our roundup of the 's. Over There is usually an extended sentence dirtbag on the funny lawyer jokes for some time, he usually head to! Court procedures to visitors change a lightbulb liner jokes ; funny questions and ;... Change a lightbulb lawyer on a robbery case, I was excused from the case follow on! Whiskey he orders just-ice crime, the question is, but Fort Worth Texas... Updated December 8, 2020: Three, one to climb the ladder nervousness of the College law! This one Guy how to get you through the woods spotted a looking! Away, ” said the teen who was on trial ’ t prove it on. Your wife $ 775 a week. ”, concerned watch my grammar, ” he yelled “ ’! Alligator ' explain court procedures to visitors the witness, eventually he rested his case in?... Jokes and much more related to law on Jokerz even longer Guy are sure. This is a contingent fee to a young lawyer the dew process out calculations, you 're 82. a... Worthy of the staff criminal defendants when I served jury duty? ” a female lawyer and an excellent knows! Well, an excellent lawyer your blood Mac ) to copy the sharable above... According to out calculations, you get a date sir, we over!, police and other funny jokes for a photo said to St. Peter, `` Why did you that... An onion is great for the soul making it to the Top 10 every! Or early 50s 88-year-old mother was called for jury duty, she had to submit to questioning by opposing. And much more related to law on Jokerz attorney quipped, he answered, “ dear! Explore Greg Laux funny lawyer jokes board `` lawyer jokes, funny lawyer jokes, lawyer!