While couples will often report feeling better after a few weeks of therapy, lasting improvement will take time to solidify. Another reason we remain stuck with clients going nowhere in therapy is that most … Prospect Therapy welcomes individuals and couples of all genders and orientations in Long Beach, Seal Beach, and surrounding areas. While I was familiar with the therapy, I didn’t know where to begin! If you think couples counseling will change your partner, think again. Even if you are having issues with your partner, sometimes couples counseling isn't the first step. So here are some reasons why couples counseling may not work for your relationship, according to therapists. #5 “Couples therapy is for women, but I’m a man!” If all men were designed to share their feelings like women do, it’s obvious that it would be a dream come true! "When there is no love left, it's hard for any couples counselor to rekindle that spark," Ashley Chambrello, licensed marriage and family therapist who works with many couples in her practice, tells Bustle. A therapist isn't going to solve your problems for you. But unfortunately, for some couples, even with an expert on their case, they just can’t handle each other anymore. If therapies aren’t working for you, you still have hope, so you’re not alone. So what do they do? What many people tend to get wrong about counseling is that attending sessions isn't going to magically erase your problems. 1 Corinthians 13:4,5,7. [Read: 14 most common reasons relationships fail]. #1 “Couples therapy is for losers.” This is exactly what you’ll hear from one partner to another when it comes to couples therapy. There's a good reason most marriage counseling doesn't work, because "couples therapy may be the hardest form of therapy and most therapists aren't good at it," according to an article by William Doherty in the professional journal Psychotherapy Networker. We might worry that even our consultation groups will get bored of hearing about the same client who isn’t particularly miserable, but isn’t leading the life he or she wants, either. At first, abusive partners will act like they are changing or have changed and that the therapy has worked. It requires participation, an open mind, and effort to make things work. ... we love as a couple, together. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. But it's important to remember that your partner will have their turn as well. You know, the fastest way to burn a relationship is to focus on each other’s faults and expand them so much that you no longer see the person you fell in love with anymore. If they don't, it's OK to find someone else. Compromise can be difficult, even in the healthiest marriages. It's important to do what you think is best for you and your relationship. When I asked my neighbor’s husband, quite casually, what he thought of couples therapy, he told me, “It’s like asking a woman in her bikini eating a creamy cupcake how much she weighs!” Well, that did leave me speechless! When One Spouse Wants A Separation. They are not sure of what to expect of the therapist or even if the therapist has any expectations of them. "If couples aren't invested in trying new techniques or recreating the experiences from therapy at home throughout the week, then therapy probably will not work." Naturally, when we were alone, I invited her over for snacks, and when she came over, she started complaining about how rough their marriage has been. If this is the case, why stay married in the first place?! But that can only get so far. This isn’t a good scenario for couples therapy. And to make their point her husband said, “It’s only natural, I mean, would you take fitness advice from an overweight person who just had a bypass surgery?” As you can imagine, I was speechless. You don't want to waste your time and money on someone who really isn't going to help. "In my experience couples therapy hasn’t worked when there are different agendas from therapy for each individual," Kelley Kitley, LCSW, a therapist who specializes in couples therapy and the owner of Serendipitous Psychotherapy, LLC, tells Bustle. Just because you're getting therapy doesn't mean you can necessarily save your relationship, either. It's better to work out any unresolved issues from childhood or past relationships first. But unfortunately, that is not the case, and no matter how much women crave that emotional connection, sometimes, it isn’t possible. While one has come into the therapy to design an exit strategy, the other is frantically hoping that couples therapy will pull them back from the brink. "Most people enter couples counseling because they feel they need to get through to their partner about how and why they need to change," Michele Hernandez, licensed clinical social worker who specializes in helping women going through major transitions in their lives, tells Bustle. They go to an extent that they can make the other feel more resentful and hopeless. Couples are often uncertain what to expect from the process of couples therapy. #3 “It will only make matters worse!” This might come as a surprise, but a lot of couples, especially women, think that a couples therapy would make things much worse. They opt for couples therapy, thinking that maybe someone else can help them solve their problems, but does it work? You want a solution, but you’re afraid to take it. Sign #1: Clear, Precise Goals. Now you must understand that while I did manage to help revive dead relationships, others only failed, and the reason is that couples therapy isn’t for everyone. Couples counselors will do this if they sense that one or both partners need to work on their individual issues first before returning to couples counseling. "Research your potential therapist, check their credentials, and find out their approach to therapy," Tucker says. You refuse to compromise. Statistics Show High Rates of Patient Satisfaction. Both you and your partner need to be willing to hear each other out so you can understand each other. Is your therapist the right fit? Or therapy isn't working. In the first session, each needs to understand that they are both good people; however, their patterns of communication have created a daily fencing duel. #4 “We’re not meant for each other… Anymore.” When this happens, I know for sure that no matter how hard you try, couples therapy won’t work. An example of this would be a married couple that has achieved their goals and are not working on anything. Although marriage therapists and counselors' primary goal is to help you improve your relationship, that isn't always possible. First, I couldn’t understand why, but about a few years ago, my neighbor was having a really tough time with her husband. 2020 Bustle Digital Group. The time in session is only a fraction of the work required. #2 Some couples therapists are not personally qualified. Marriage counseling, also called couples therapy, is a type of psychotherapy. It's very possible for a therapist to not be a good fit for you. If you're in an abusive relationship, couples therapy is not the help you need — you may want to seek help individually from loved ones or a professional in exiting the relationship. But if one or both of you are already checked out, counseling may just be a waste of time. “Therapy isn’t all or nothing,” says Fenkel. You can’t just hope to hire some therapist and expect them to snap their fingers, and voila! Attend some marriage seminars, maybe some couple classes, read a book or two about how to get your marriage back on the track or watch movies. It's important to note that both partners need to be willing to make an effort. Couples often arrive believing that the therapist’s job is to “fix” their partner. This is simply because not one, but both of them are not interested in living under the same roof. However, in a majority of cases, the couple can and should work it out. You see where the problem is? "Don't be afraid to ask questions, or for referrals if you don't think you're a match." To be really successful, it's important for you both to go into it with open minds and a willingness to make things work. Time in session is only a fraction of the main factors that can determine the of... This is simply because not one, but does it work and money on someone who is. 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