No. Thank you, Judge Snowdy, thank you, St. John Parish and thank you, State of Louisiana for keeping the best interests of this beautiful child at the top of your priority list. Ive been in a panic for days and searching the web which has shocked me! I would not and could not ever place myself in the position of taking something from someone at their great emotional expense…I don’t care how bad I want it or think I deserve it. I’m more in favor of allowing them to have contact and relationship with the child, but the gave up rights. They are now the responsible parents of your child because you either did not want to, or were unable to raise him/her. WOW!! I think you just all need to be there for her when i was 16 i didn’t know what i wanted. I’d guess it’s the same ‘selfishness’ of the millions of parents who would never consider placing their child for adoption. And they have 2 children of their own and want to have more. Babies are big business with social services and adoption agency’s.. To say that biological parents should never get their child back is incorrect. However, the court proceedings that finalize an adoption usually don’t occur for months after the child is taken home by the adoptive parents. The little girl is happy, healthy and loved dearly. The pain of this is devastating. Sam, thank you for your response on here!! Biological parents should not be able to ever get custody back. But even setting aside the impact of separating children from their home, shouldn’t both sides be looked at to see who can provide the best environment for that child? I am not against adoption I think it’s great; however,Grandparents have no rights in Fl and I think this is awful. I just had the most frustrating conversation with a friend. Well, “I Purdy” if that is your user name, I totally agree with you. My daughter is devastated. Get some publicity. The transitioning process was hard, and awkward. %PDF-1.3 Waiting parents. Before your child's birth, any adoption agreements you make aren't binding, and the new parents are often required to wait between one day and a month until they're able to sign adoption papers (time varies according to state). Yet, he has enough rights to stop this adoption process. He asks for a sword and orders that the baby be cut in two. Your comment was beautifully said. I change my mind on an outfit, not my child. Birth mother told several men they were the father and the ones that came forward were ruled out! What child does not want to please their parent? They have now closed the adoption after 10 months. Obviously the biological parents don’t care about the kid’s wellbeing. Sometimes a child should be returned to the birth parents–sometimes they shouldn’t. My story: 19 years old had my first son , married 3 months before that , bought a house , and imagined my life as happily ever after. The parents never returned for her, for weeks, & lived an astonishing mile down the road from us. Layla is now 6 years old. All states allow biological parents to freely change their mind after the child is born, but before the process is finalized by the court, even if an agreement was signed before the birth. %���� Than is why they are spending THOUSANDS of dollars on adopting a child instead of vacation or something. There would have been a good reason for the court to put children up for adoption and it shows the birth parents are not safe, able, responsible… whatever the reason. Again, adoption system among all other systems in the United States are at a time “truly must and needed to be revamped, reorganized, and redesigned for the purpose of sacredness, honor, ethics, justice, peace, wisdom, and order because time is the essence here and we really need to allow good changes to happen through our diligence, commitment, and integrity! Just make sure she knows you’re all gonna be there for her no matter what she wants or eventually decides. Not every adoption IS handled correctly, and not every adoption SHOULD be upheld by the courts… however painful that is for us to admit. But bottom line–the decision weighs on the question, “what is best for the CHILD.” At least it should. Although they still care about the child, they are moving into other areas of their own lives. What I am pointing out is that it was “not the biological parents who caused the emotional and financial battles for adoption parents;” it was in fact the adoption agencies, the poor administration of the agencies and the state as well as the laws enacted in the state, etc. No financial reimbursement. Whatever. As someone who has had first hand experience with this, these children NEVER recover from this. I do not know HOW this is at all legal. I can’t believe we’re not protected anymore than this! Let me bring some clarity to all this bickering from adoptive parents and people who birthed a child. I grew up not wanting anything to ever do with the woman who birthed me- if she was wishy/washy and changed her mind about the adoption, I’m glad it never materialized. Can you ‘unadopt’ a kid?” Because adoption is meant to create permanence for children, most state laws limit the rights of birth parents to withdraw their consent. That’s so terrible. If you give a child up, you should have to go thru the same process as someone wanting to adopt! The judge and the guardian ad litem both stated their intent to terminate her rights due to her being unemployed and not having a house that she could stay in for loger than 6 months. I just finished watching Dandelion Dust and that really shows the sadness of the situation when birth parents want custody back. This can happen when the birth parent is still the legal parent before consent is signed or termination of rights has happened. This family is coveting this baby and in the process hurting her with their selfishness. Sometimes, that means ignoring the … I have never adopted a child or know anyone who has, but really this whole thing just upsets me so deeply because I just can’t imagine that pain. My daughter and our family are devastated. No matter how heart-wrenching it would be to return the child to his birth parents at the first sign of a court challenge, I believe it is in the best interest of the child to do so. It’s not fair to the guardian or adoptive parent(s) to have spent thousands on caring and raising a child just to have the court system hand them back to the biological parent(s) weather they are fit or not but based soley on the fact they are the biological parents and not hold them accountable for their decisions. And then the awful dreaded day came when she asked to see her real family. The truth is that the timing and nature of adoption counselling is so coercive (yes even in this day and age) that a woman facing a crisis pregnancy can end up feeling that the only “moral” thing for her to do is to place her child for adoption – the counselling very cleverly makes her feel that parenting her child is the selfish thing. This temporary custody period varies in length from state to state. The damage it would do to them! He was not there for the pregnancy, did not help financially, accused her of lying and cheating, etc. They are the kind of family that is considered “ideal” for a child. And obviously–I know some of the situations children return to are fine (although sometimes I also question the definition of the word ‘fine’ when it comes to a child’s well-being). They should have to pay some back child care. My daughter sent her baby a Christmas gift and they called her on Christmas night and told her the adoption was closed and the gift was being returned. Far too few people are thinking about these children and what is best for them. I have heard of custody battles where the biological parent(s) get full custody again and that really is completely unfair to the child, especially after an extended period of time with adopted family, and very selfish of the biological parent(s) who in only one way have acted as a parent and that’s finding a more suitable situation for the child. (con’d) When Layla was 2 1/2, law enforcement showed up at our door, claiming we “kidnapped” Layla. I ask you, where is the justice in that? Coveting is a condition of the heart–an inner condition which ultimately leads to an outer offense. So much of what happens to a child stays with them for the rest of their lives, be it good or bad. Hopefully, no one would have been silly enough to tell the child this was being attempted, so they don't have to feel like sh-- the rest of their lives. That’s not the standard for mothers, why should it be the standard for fathers? There’s Torry Ann Hansen, the now-infamous Tennessee nurse who sent her 7-year-old adopted son back to his native Russia on a plane, alone.Then there’s Joyce Maynard, the writer who made headlines last year when she admitted to giving her two adopted Ethiopian daughters to a new family. Unless the adoptive parents are not doing a good job, as in the child is being abused or something, there is just no excuse to…ugh. During this period, their child could be in your care. A reader, Kim, brings back our adoption series with the story of her search for her birth family:. I have children of my own & they are my life. And it works for us. The second case mirrors the first one: a birth mother made an adoption plan and placed her son with a Colorado couple when he was 3 days old. We gave her love, and a stable home and family like she most desperately needed. She said since they can’t handle adoption, they should give him back. I’m sorry, but if you give your child up, you don’t get to just change your mind- or at least you shouldn’t get to. Do you understand how gut wrenching that is? People make many mistakes, but it is them who have to suffer with the consequences. If the child has not resided in a single state for at least six months, her home state will be regarded as the place where she has “significant connections,” with both the child and one of her parents, in addition to being a place where she has been educated, received medical care and developed community and familial relationships. Generally, birth parents have the right to choose what is in the best interest of their children and this includes the difficult decision whether to give them up for adoption. Ethically and morally now you must accept that rather than letting a sympathetic justice system give you rights back to free you from the empty hole in your life you made, not the child, when you chose to give that child up. While the woman whose son died is content to see the baby cut in two, the woman whose son is alive has compassion for her son and cries out, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! A young husband with issues of his own (etc domestic violence , drinking, drugs , destroying my life) just wasn’t ready to be a man or father so after alot of abuse and family court I moved in with my mom. Adolescence is never easy on anyone, it seems, and adoption can add yet another layer of complexity to an already challenging life phase. My daughter never would have given her baby up for adoption knowing this would happen. When I was about 8 years old, I got in trouble for something menial. So, why do parents abuse their children? He was not rescued by his Florida family, or sent back home to the safety and security of his world that was taken away, but forwarded to his biological father who was originally denied custody because the courts determined he was the least fit of the two bio parents to raise the child because of a domestic violence and drug history. It doesn’t matter whether the adoptive parents believe they’re better parents. Elizabeth Jurenovich´s last blog post ..ORIENTATION. Kids don't want to be seen as disloyal to their adoptive parents 2. If I GAVE you a hundred thousand dollars should I expect you to give it back to me in 2 years! Thank you again for your post, you summed it up beautifully from our experience. This typically happens when there is no real foundation to believe that there is abuse or neglect occurring. A birth parent might possess a strong sense of protecting their child from the ugly truths surrounding their conception and adoption. What I do get really sick of on these forums are “birth people” whining about how they were manipulated or they changed their mind. Ignore all desires to have them returned to you and really think. Other times, biological parents are coming forward to seek custody after the child is placed back in foster care. I find it disturbing that people can make judgment calls on a heart wrenching situation where so few know all the facts involved. Another thing hypocritical about this argument, is the “only family the child knows” line is bandied around without mentioning that the adoptive parents sometimes keep the child from knowing the bio-parents until the final court ordered transfer. An equally great share is available for you and for everyone else in the world. Oh my. The Top 5 Medications to Bring for Yourself When Traveling Overseas to Adopt, Lifelike Dolls Take the Place of Real Babies for Some Parents, Tips for Parents Who Are Waiting to Adopt, The Adoption Home Study: What to Expect During the Home Visit. They wanted us to take Layla again, because they were having yet another child and found she was too much of a burden at the time. On the one hand, when birth parents choose to offer their child for adoption they are voluntarily terminating their parental rights. Just because someone loves a child doesn’t mean they are ready to parent that child who will one day be an eight year old, an eleven year old, a fifteen year old, a twenty year old, and hopefully a productive member of society–wise words from my daughter’s birth grandma. Any cloudy issue that has to do with the adoption could cause a judge to reverse it. It's not easy, though. Usually no -Thank you for bathing, feeding, housing, loving, nuturing, etc. Adoptive parents tend to live in denial. Their family is being torn apart. In a truly open adoption, the birthparents and adoptive parents share a mutual commitment to the child that prevents either from wanting to cost the child access to the other AND which eliminates any risk that a child’s first family should EVER be “strangers” to their own flesh and blood. Once a parent gives consent to an adoption, it can be very difficult to go back. He gets treated differently than the other two. These laws need to be changed and I am praying that God will show me what my daughter and I can do to start. We have children of our own and some are grown and one still a teen.. No problem with him dressing himself as long as they are clean and accesible to him. But children are NOT property. It doesn’t matter what’s in “the best interests” of the child. He has a good job, she has the privilege of being able to be a stay at home mom. I’m sure there were times she had thought about me, or worried of my welfare. Any suggestions or support would be appreciated. So you can let all your desire for fulfillment be devoted toward desiring God. “Our” daughter is threatening suicide, running away, not eating, not sleeping, etc.. you know the emotional teenage girl things. (Legally they have weekend visitation every two weeks) but what was there to be woried about? You will know that the situation has the potential to be temporary. As for the ‘selfishness’ of biological parents who contest the adoption. Immigration. Somewhere along the line (I don’t have the details but I assume it must have been fairly soon after the boy was born), the birthmother changed her mind and won rulings from judges in Missouri (her home state) and Colorado that her son be returned to her. There are no hard rules about ages for birth family meetings. It’s not intended to cause the adoptive parents pain, but it’s that the kind of generosity that would allow a parent to give up their child to another is beyond many. Our emotions and our love for the child overcome our common sense. Otherwise, most states treat underage birth parents the same as adult birth parents. When biological parents challenge the adoption early on, we continue parenting “our” child in the desperate hope that the court system will miraculously change and grant us custody. An innocent child, is exploited by the parent and it creates a form of emotional and psychological abuse. Lynn, Thank you for a breath of fresh air amidst the muck of this comment stream. We didn’t see Layla for a solid year. They invest love, money, time, emotion and hopes. Why Adoptees Need to Find Their Biological Parents ... just in case anyone gets any ideas about putting us back up for ... annoying to those of us adoptees who have biological children. Court cost was the least of our expenses! During this 15-month period, however, States are required to work to … My daughter was born back to back it was a hard dilivery and I pained for my wife, my little girl was finally born after a hard labour but had a lot of bruising and 2 black eyes we also had to go back a few days later as she was jaundace I would never wish this on any other expectant mother child birth is hard enough without all the extra problems I tilt my hat to you after having 4 x - BabyCenter Canada They have a beautiful, clean home. Most birthparents already live lives of shame and quiet desperation, as a result of the social scorn we reserve for those we hope have the “wisdom” to entrust their children to others, yet who are shunned or criticized when they have the normal instincts of any parent to want to check how their child is doing or to want to regain access to the child they loved enough to “let go”. Needy or Demanding Birthparents Open adoption is about giving children the best that all their parents can offer, working together to achieve this goal, and I salute you for doing just that, through your continued presence in and your commitment where your daughter and her family are concerned. My husband and I have been trying to have kids for 5 years now and can’t. Dad was in prison he file for judicial release was put in a half way house and got sent back to prison 2months later for a POV. King solomon might have been right in his views. In late December 2004, the birth mother was awarded custody (she lives in Illinois, is married to someone else and has an infant daughter) and the birth father was given liberal visitation rights. He will now have 4 kids by 3 different mothers and owes back child support to all of them. Nice. She happened to be in the area, and called and said, “Can you meet me in 30 minutes?” At that moment, we were traveling her direction, so we met up. When adoptive parents find the child's first mother and the woman doesn't want contact. The child did not give you guilt you did, the child may feel some longing, but you feel way more. There are cases of open adoption where you can still be apart of your child’s life (except in terms of Chelsea, and I am really sorry about that, I don’t know the adoptive parents, but maybe you should try talking to them about this if you haven’t already?). In the meantime, the birth parents lived their life, lost another child for neglect/abandonment, and decided to give birth to two more girls, whom they surprisimngly took responsibility for. Our court system and so many people in this country seem to have had a huge gulp of the kool-aid that says ‘blood and biology’ must prevail–no matter what. It is fullfilling not only their own need for a child, but quenching their guilt, well they can just own a little more blame for making those years away from them now painful as well by not allowing them to continue them. I will fight it until the bitter end. In general, bmothers are given a revocation period after signing TPR in which they are able to get their baby back and if they want their baby back, they should get their baby back. “He has three people who absolutely love him so much that they’d be willing to do anything,” said the boy’s biological mother. If you are contesting the adoption, you need a lawyer that can stop it arguing the Federal Parental Kidnapping act. In BC, birth parents have 30 days from the time their child is born to change their minds and decide to parent their child. I was adopted at six months old. I’ve seen selfishness – because you think it’s all about your desires & not the natural origin desires of a human.. (I’ll go more into this later…). My son now has to take a bath every time he gets to come over cause he smells like dog piss and I buy him new clothes and shoes when I can. I went through the same, hated my adoptive parents but actually, they we’re there for me and made me who i am, and i’m proud of who i’ve become, is she? I didn’t sign over the rights to my son to his uncle because I was a bad parent. We wouldn’t say she can’t afford child support, accused the other parent of cheating, and has other kids by other people, so the courts should terminate her rights. Not only that in solomon’s story it was not adopted child. She plans on telling her son how horrible his adoptive parents are for keeping them apart. to live in our home, he is ours, period. My bedtime story, as a child… Usually those 30 days pass by, albeit slowly… Kelli, I agree with you, biological parents should not get the children back if they ever thought of giving them away. Having a small child for a long period of time and then transplanting that child back into their bio family is wrong, wrong, wrong. In general, bmothers are given a revocation period after signing TPR in which they are able to get their baby back and if they want their baby back, they should get their baby back. Most of all once someone adopts the child, it is their child. If the child remains in foster care for 15 out of 22 months, in most cases, the law requires the child welfare agency to ask the court to terminate parental rights (end the legal parent/child relationship). I have since found out that I am ill. Personally, we feel this to be very hurting. Mom got kicked out of all the drug programs they place her in they sent her to prison to serve her sentence 30days later she file for judicial release and they let her out on 2yrs probation she rarely sees her son except for an hour or two once a week if that, she immediately filed for welfare she gets food stamps and a free cell phone, if she regains custody she can collect additional food stamps, a cash card and medical for him, all paid by the hardworking people in America. The two women argue before King Solomon about whose baby is whose. You are insane. I truly believe that if the child had been living with their adoptive family for a decent amount of time, even if you are his or her birth mother, you should not take the child away from the family they grew up with. No matter what the reasons were for giving up the child. This is children we are talking about. The birth father is totally incapable of raising this child and now will not termintae his parental rights. I tried it on my own with 2 boys and little income(and harassment from my ex slashing tires on my car to make the income even less) I was faced with a decision. stream Coveting is followed ultimately by a clash of wills, painful unhappiness, or open conflict. The system needs revamped. Do you live near her, maybe she could come stay with you for a week each month. My brother and his wife just lost custody of their 3 year old daughter to her birth father. The age of your child when they state that they want to live with their birth parents will affect how you should react considerably. You have explained exactly what this adoptive couple have done, coveted this baby so much that they will no longer allow my daughter in her life. children living away from their parents can be found in Appendix 1. But God Himself is infinite, and His supply for His people is infinite. So when my youngest son was 9 months old I let him live with them and for a while things were ok. What about the adoptive parents who knew when they signed those documents that the situation was temporary until the courts decided otherwise and the bio-parents agreed not to contest? I want what I want, even if it comes at the emotional expense of another. We are now taking this couple to court for breech of agreement only for my daughter to get to see her baby 2 times a year and get pictures of her. Youtube videos, call the local TV station. To all birth parents seeking out custody of their birth children, You are ignorant and selfish and do not understand the heartache we go through. The bus has stopped at our house f or the past two mornings now. Don’t have children you can’t care for. That’s exactly what happened in two custody battles that culminated Friday in two very different outcomes. This is not right and I understand why women move to Utah to have children. So if you feel this way, then don’t give it away. If you buy someone a birthday gift, you don’t get to take the gift back because you decide you kind of wanted the gift, actually. Yes: In an adoption planned by the birth parents, but for a short window of time. With worried, but confident hearts, we contacted them, and they had requested we drop her off. Assuming that you went through a legal adoption, the answer is no, you can't get your child back once he or she is adopted by someone else. JESUS gives every one chance after chance-called Grace & Mercy! This is something we are going to tell you here today. I actually suspect that you don’t hear many stories about mothers getting their babies back after signing TPR but before revocation because they probably do get returned without any fuss. Then the mothers complain that they have to do all the childcare responsibilities. We did not involve the court system, afraid that if we did, they would be offended and rip her away from us. 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