“Energy with direction is work, but energy without direction is heat, and it comes out as worry and anxiety.” So ask yourself if the negative emotions you’re feeling will actually compel you take further action that would help “stave off the negative outcome.”. Instead, you may need to increase your input and/or change your approach to get the results you want. Dealing with disappointment requires you to let go of your mental illusions and expectations. As long as you are doing that, there is no reason why you should feel bad, because you have done all that you can. However, that is just an illusion that you are playing in your head. There is also no reason to expect that everything will go perfectly. I can recall many times in my life where I’ve been waiting for big news and was worried that things wouldn’t go my way. 2020 has been a year of disappointments — often serious and grave ones — for so many people, from job losses to school closures to illness and death. They are preventing you from constructively acting on your situation and living your life the way you should. But if you work hard on the steps above, they will pull you out of the void you are in. Job interviews. where you can fulfill your desire just as well, if not better. from there, you can respond and deal with it in a manner that allows the second party to understand that they have disappointed you. 1. They feel like they have taken a step back from what they want to be. If you are new to this series, read part 1 first. What activities do you most enjoy doing in your life? Here’s their advice. We all have different expectations. It is not the reality. If we look at the relationship example in Step #2, you are disappointed because you want to be with person A. If so, there are many ways you can do that, such as working at Company G, Company H, or even setting up your own business. While you may feel disappointed, stop and think — What is your underlying intent? If it helps you imagine how you’ll survive the worst-case scenario, thinking through your disappointment “steadies the anxiety of anticipation in the moment,” she explains. Much of this advice might fall into the category of “easier said than done,” especially when you’re staring at your ceiling in the middle of the night. You reach a new state of awareness, consciousness, and growth which you have never had before. Researchers call this “affective forecasting,” and the reality is that negative events usually prove to be less intense emotionally and the bad feelings are more transient that we expect. However, understand that your goal is a reflection of an underlying desire. Kinias points to self-affirmation techniques in which you reflect on your core values and how you carry them out, by being a good friend or participating in community service, that can “buffer resiliency in advance of disappointment.” She also suggests mindfulness practices where you focus on your breath: “breathing slowly and consciously, experiencing the inhale and exhale through simple guided mediation.” She explains that this helps “to release both negative emotion and attachment to sunk costs.” You can also reach out to people who share the same worry or who can provide help if and when you need it. And the goal in life isn’t to avoid all negative feelings. Trying to deny what you’re feeling and telling yourself to get over it can make you feel even worse. Any of these practices can help make you more resilient in the face of disappointment. So, you might think of the pain as a good thing and allow yourself to grieve if things don’t go your way. I’ve never known the best way to make it through these waiting periods. Okay, so you got fired. Here are the seven suggested steps for dealing with disappointment that will help you to turn your life around. When you connect yourself with this desire, you will realize that point B is just one of the many destinations you can go. How To Deal With Disappointment: The Complete Guide Step 1: Put yourself in a better mental state. It is merely one of the many ways to fulfill your desire. You won’t guard yourself against pain by trying to feel it ahead of time. It is normally preceded by denial. How can an outcome be a setback if it gave you something to learn? It is to be in a loving, authentic relationship with someone. There are also several research-backed ways that you can prepare yourself for a negative outcome. I know I’m not alone. In times when I feel really down, I prefer to spend time by myself. Be kind to yourself. Anger, resentment, and sadness are common emotions to experience in the wake of disappointment. By the natural order of things, there will always be a percentage of things that go well, a percentage of things that go “okay,” and a percentage of things that go terribly wrong. If your anxiety motivates you to take action that can affect the outcome, then it might be useful. Question how and when you developed these illusions. There are many other possible destinations, such as point C, D, E, all the way to Z. "One way to cope with disappointment is by writing down our feelings," says Diana Raab, PhD, creativity expert and author of Healing with Words and Writing for Bliss. " … You may feel sorry for yourself and sulk. Or help him with moving boxes and other stuff into his new home. Copyright © Personal Excellence  |  Terms of Use  |  Privacy  |  Contact, a loving, authentic relationship with someone, How To Deal With Moments of Negative Self-Worth, My Experience with Disappointment and How I Overcame It, 10 Free Meditation Videos to Relax Your Mind, How To Stop Worrying About Things You Can’t Control, This Powerful Sculpture Shows the Inner Child In Us. All rights reserved. Instead of sitting in your state indefinitely, once you have allowed yourself to acknowledge that you are in good company, start the process of reframing. Do whatever makes you feel better. Disappointment can trigger lots of different emotions, including stress, so it’s important to deal with these secondary feelings, too. Do something nice for yourself. To start mediating, simply become aware of the sights and sounds around you. Because the ability to learn, move on, and try again using a different approach is the key to success. This is not sustainable because your goals are just external outcomes, and these are impermanent. If reading your favorite book uplifts you, then pick up the book and start reading it. As you start living past your disappointments, focus on living in alignment with your desires, instead of being fixated on your goals. View the setback as an opportunity to grow and change. Step 1: Recognition and awareness of the feelings of disappointment One action you might take, for example, is gathering the resources you’ll need to get through the disappointment. Disappointment isn’t fun, but it’s a part of life. This last tip is the one that I’ve been putting to good use over the past few days. But don’t attach yourself to these goals. There is no disappointment in the present moment. By attaching yourself to this thought, this illusion, it’s causing you anguish. Not even entertaining the possibility of the negative outcome can be emotionally devastating. Perhaps you studied for the wrong chapters. I wrote about this in Living in Alignment with Your Purpose in the context of living your life purpose. Exercise. Because they are not taught to properly deal with disappointment in school or in life, they deal with it in a destructive way instead. In part 2, I talked about 3 destructive methods of dealing with disappointment which you should avoid. Being trapped in such a state prevents you from thinking logically. It can make a huge difference to how you process situations that leave you feeling put out or let down. As the opening quote says, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” With this lesson, you walk away from this experience a better person. Instead of tying all your expectations to this one person, connect with the underlying desire to be in an authentic relationship. Relationships you’re not being good at? Step #2 to deal with disappointment is to focus on your underlying desire for your goal, not the goal itself. When you are disappointed, your source of disappointment is rooted in your attachment to a certain outcome. What you originally thought was sufficient to achieve your goal isn’t. I. A certain number of fantasies about what you would do if you reached your goal can be helpful,” says Markman. It also prevents you from moving on. Is it better to think it through ahead of time? Feeling your misery in advance of the news also isn’t helpful because we aren’t very good at predicting future emotions, as extensive research from Dan Gilbert, Tim Wilson, George Loewenstein, and Daniel Kahneman has shown. We all feel this way from time to time. Haggai now speaks to the willing but discouraged workers. He/she is not the person who can give you what you desire. People 5 Major Work Disappointments and How to Handle Them Are you in the midst of a major work disappointment? You have gained something which nobody else is privy to. But instead of achieving that outcome, you fell short of your expectation. If person A does not want to be with you for whatever reasons, he/she is not the person who can meet your desire for a loving relationship. He suggests watching a silly movie that makes you laugh, practicing mindfulness by taking deep, focused breaths, or going for a run — anything he says, that will “decrease the energy.”. I have the skills and experience to be up for consideration. Wanting something really badly means that you care, and that’s a good thing. That’s why Markman says some of the best tactics to steel yourself while you wait involve distracting yourself. Because when you do that, you fall into the trap of associating your existence with them. Practice acceptance. Identify them. Some of these disappointments will not make much of a difference, but there are also disappointments that can change the course of our lives. Even though the road to work at Company A is closed (for now). Understand what it is and write it down. Worry can also compel you to gather resources – such as social support – to help you stay resilient if the worst-case scenario comes to fruition. If anything, it’s natural for things to go wrong. This makes negative experiences worse than they really are because we play them over and over in our heads — when they are simply natural occurrences in the universe. Many people get disappointed with something because they view it as a setback. To be discouraged means to be downcast. The best way to prevent the same situation—and resulting disappointment—is to make a plan of action. What am I expecting from reality that I’m not getting?” Seek out these illusions, one by one. Sign up for my newsletter to get my personal development tips and updates sent directly to your inbox: Unsubscribe whenever you want. And even, yes, elections. There is no reason to self-blame when things go wrong. “There will be a sting if you don’t get it, and the pain is often proportional to what you invested,” says Markman. If playing games makes you happier, go ahead and play them (but not in an excessive way). It could be not getting a job, getting a bad score on a test or not getting that double platinum and high score that you were hoping for. Your goal to work at Company A is merely an external projection of your inner desire to grow and challenge yourself to the fullest. So if I don’t get this, I’ll keep trying, approach the problem in a different way, or do something a little bit different next time.”. He/She is not going to be only person you are capable of loving; there are many people out there who can be compatible with you. For me, I find that a combination of activities including alone time, talking with my good friends, and watching my favorite shows uplift me considerably. 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